Democrats and Republicans Should File for Divorce

Republicans x Democrats

News that Republicans were suing the Federal Government over Obamacare has spurred an all-too-logical epiphany. It’s time for our country’s two political parties to end their contentious 200+ year relationship and file for divorce. [Read more…]

My Daughter’s Superpowers

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My fifteen-year old daughter has superpowers. No, she can’t leap over a building in a single bound, and she doesn’t sport a flashy Iron Girl suit. But her ability to taste food or judge music in a heartbeat is an amazing super-power. Prepare to be awed. [Read more…]

Training Covert Corporate Slugs

Businesswoman peering over cubicle wall

We get all excited about our entrepreneurs in the United States, but our biggest byproduct is the corporate slug. They’re well-schooled at the art of evasion and slippery tactics. Now, thanks to my latest epiphany, they now can literally blend into the woodwork while on the job. [Read more…]

Using a Chainsaw to Teach Math

Pretty Hispanic girlswith popcorn watching television

My teenage kids love slasher films. They can never get enough gore and dismemberment. This ubiquitous teenage trait has spurred yet another epiphany: Let’s combine the world of slasher movies and education to ensure kids know their math facts. [Read more…]

Selling Arms for Education

Modern weapon M4

Schools whine about a lack of funding. At the same time, war continues to ravage the world. I think we can literally kill two birds with one stone with the ultimate fundraiser: Let school children sell weapons of mass (and minor) destruction. [Read more…]

Thwart Ebola with Designer Hazmat Suits

Congrats, Ebola. You’ve effectively scared the s— out of everyone. In defense of the world, I decided to thwart Ebola’s viral hinder, but not by combating its root cause. I got reactive instead of proactive and launched my new designer Hazmat suits. [Read more…]

How God Can Make a Ton of Cash

Heavenly light

God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-all. But even He would be the first to tell you, you can just never have enough cash. With my latest Epiphany, I’ve got a foolproof way the creator can increase profits and put even more dough in his omniscient pocket.

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Test-Taker, the Hot New Occupation

young man doing homework and studying in college library

Much ado has been made about testing in our public schools. I applaud testing myopia, which is why I capitalized on the trend. Introducing an entire company built around the world’s newest occupation: Test-taker. [Read more…]

Have Your Friends Raise Your Kids

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My kids are nice to me and the missus — most of the time. But they’re never as charming and pleasant to us as they are to our friends. This phenomenon was in desperate need of epiphanizing, and I was just the guy to do it. [Read more…]

Passive-Aggressive Plants Must Be Stopped!

Fighting back against passive aggressive plants

It’s time to call the plant world on the carpet. These passive-aggressive rooted things are messing with my head, not to mention my lawn. The reverse-psychology of my amazing new epiphany put them in their place. [Read more…]

Become a Bazillionaire by Teaching Your Cat to Talk

Scientist Cat

I have no qualms with people obsessed with becoming bazillionaires. It’s just that they work so hard to make the cash. Why spend all your time and effort creating a new technology or becoming a highly-skilled doctor, when all you have to do is teach your cat to talk? [Read more…]

Behold the Teenager Planning Committee

teenage planning commission

A wise man once said, “Teenagers don’t plan for anything. Ever.” I echo the sentiment, which is why I created the Teenager Planning Committee, one I felt certain would restore order to the chaotic parenting community. [Read more…]

Take a 50-Week Vacation

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My family recently enjoyed a fantastic one-week vacation. Upon returning, our lives plunged into 50 weeks of prolonged hell. Why do we subject ourselves to the post-vacation blues? Instead, try my epiphany, which turns the tables on the vacation paradigm. [Read more…]

Take the ALS Billionaire Challenge

Isolated bucket of US banknotesUnless you’re holed up Unabomber-style, you’ve likely encountered the ALS Ice Bucket challenge. It’s produced amazing results, but we’ll get to the cure faster if someone takes my ALS Billionaire Challenge. [Read more…]

Hallelujah – How to Eliminate Road Construction

Hallelujah - the end of road construction

I wrote this epiphany from my car. I had been sitting in a traffic jam for two and a half weeks, making infinitesimal progress every 1.5 days. The solution? Creating the world’s first construction-free highway. [Read more…]