I’m always amazed by how people will talk to their dogs in sweet, loving tones, and then rip their fellow man a new one. It’s why I decided to instill peace and harmony in the human race by convincing world leaders to speak in doggy voice. [Read more…]
News that Republicans were suing the Federal Government over Obamacare has spurred an all-too-logical epiphany. It’s time for our country’s two political parties to end their contentious 200+ year relationship and file for divorce. [Read more…]
Congrats, Ebola. You’ve effectively scared the s— out of everyone. In defense of the world, I decided to thwart Ebola’s viral hinder, but not by combating its root cause. I got reactive instead of proactive and launched my new designer Hazmat suits. [Read more…]
Is it just me, or is our Congress a tad ineffectual? Bi-partisanship has split the Democrats and Republicans asunder, which is why I employed the brilliant tactical move – the Reverse Jesus – to bring them together.
Why are we so darned insistent on solving conflict through wars and by beating people with sticks? An easier solution is my latest epiphany: Give everyone the chance to kill one person every year – and be killed in return! Give a warm welcome to Global Death Day! [Read more…]
At the behest of friends and neighbors, we recently joined Costco. A subsequent trip to the megastore led me to realize that Costco can not only save me a few bucks, it can also help nation-states live in peace and harmony. [Read more…]