World Leaders Need to Converse in Doggy Voice

sad little labrador retriever puppy

I’m always amazed by how people will talk to their dogs in sweet, loving tones, and then rip their fellow man a new one. It’s why I decided to instill peace and harmony in the human race by convincing world leaders to speak in doggy voice. [Read more…]

Democrats and Republicans Should File for Divorce

Republicans x Democrats

News that Republicans were suing the Federal Government over Obamacare has spurred an all-too-logical epiphany. It’s time for our country’s two political parties to end their contentious 200+ year relationship and file for divorce. [Read more…]

Thwart Ebola with Designer Hazmat Suits

Congrats, Ebola. You’ve effectively scared the s— out of everyone. In defense of the world, I decided to thwart Ebola’s viral hinder, but not by combating its root cause. I got reactive instead of proactive and launched my new designer Hazmat suits. [Read more…]

Congress Needs a Reverse Jesus

Congress Needs a Reverse Jesus

Is it just me, or is our Congress a tad ineffectual? Bi-partisanship has split the Democrats and Republicans asunder, which is why I employed the brilliant tactical move – the Reverse Jesus – to bring them together.

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Achieve World Peace with Global Death Day

Achieve_World_Peace_with_Global_Death_Day

Why are we so darned insistent on solving conflict through wars and by beating people with sticks? An easier solution is my latest epiphany: Give everyone the chance to kill one person every year – and be killed in return! Give a warm welcome to Global Death Day! [Read more…]

How Shopping at Costco Can Bring About World Peace

Costco
At the behest of friends and neighbors, we recently joined Costco.  A subsequent trip to the megastore led me to realize that Costco can not only save me a few bucks, it can also help nation-states live in peace and harmony. [Read more…]