How Stampers will Save the Newspaper Industry

Stampers

Two things I most enjoy in life:  Reading the Sunday morning newspaper, and receiving a handcrafted card from a friend proficient in the fine art of stamping.  In my latest epiphany, one of these joys will save the other joy’s butt, as stampers save the floundering newspaper industry.

Woe be the newspaper.  Those pesky iPads, laptops and smartphones are decimating an industry, and soon we’ll lose the joy of newspapers:  The in-depth articles.  The investigative reporting.  The 2 ½ pounds of useless coupons.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Newspapers are not becoming extinct because of technology.  They’re becoming extinct because they’re depressing.  They’re filled with horrible news about natural disasters, terrorist attacks, and Lindsay Lohan.

Stampers, on the other hand, bring us joy.  They craft customized cards with warm colors, stylish patterns, and creative motifs.  They are the MacGyvers of paper products.  Give them a stack of Post-it Notes, a shoebox and some chewing gum, and they’ll construct a greeting card worthy of an art gallery.

My epiphany:  Let those joyous stampers re-package those depressing newspapers, and save the dang industry in the process.

Dry Embossing Headlines about Serial Killers

To implement my plan, I called my good friend and stamping-industry giant Gina K.  Gina K has a huge line of stamping products, and has an army of social media followers.  I briefed her on the epiphany.

“It’s a brilliant idea,” she said.  “I’ll let my followers know about it, if you promise to give away two $25 gift certificates to Gina K designs on your Facebook page.”

“So all people have to do is ‘like’ my Facebook page, and they’ll be in the running for (2) $25 gift certificates from Gina K?” I say this, inflecting my voice so people hear the parentheses.

“That’s it.  Just please don’t post any more Wiener-esque pictures of yourself.”

She was referring to one little lapse in judgment I had regarding a selfie involving a thong and a Batman suit.  “Those days are over,” I assured her.  “So let’s do it!”

We then kicked the plan into high gear.  Gina K published pictures of newspaper industry moguls looking sad with out-turned pockets.  “Let’s help this poor man!” she posted.  The appeal worked, as stampers signed up en masse to join the cause.

The epiphany stipulated that each stamper would stamp out a personalized newspaper for a subscriber. Because Gina K’s fans numbers in the hundreds of millions, it was easy to assign a stamper to every newspaper subscriber in the world.

Soon depressing headlines were paired with uplifting packaging:

·  Headlines about a tragic train derailment received a floral embellishment.

·  The discovery of a serial killer’s refrigerator full of body parts got a dainty little ribbon and a smiley-face button.

·   The latest news of our nation’s debt-load was brightened by a wet-emboss stamped headline with gold glitter.

Quite often my epiphanies end in abysmal failure, but not this one.  How could it?  The newspaper industry was saved, the stampers were busy as heck, and Gina K and I were emotionally fulfilled now that we’d brightened the day of millions of otherwise depressed people.

It’s like my great-grandpappy used to say:  Never underestimate the therapeutic power of a little ranger embossing powder.

(P.S. – We really aren’t kidding about the gift certificate giveaway.  In special thanks to my friend Gina K for all her help in social media advice and life in general, I am giving away 2 – $25 gift certificates to Gina K designs to fans of my Facebook page.  I’ll be drawing next week, so please join my growing legions of faithful ready to Alter the Course and get a shot at some stamping swag.  Click here to get to my Facebook page!)

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Comments

  1. Carolyn Ferriano says:

    This is so funny! You really nailed the stamping terminology. Sounds like you are a secret stamper.

  2. Joan Manthe says:

    What a great way to start the week. Thanks for the laugh. Liked your fb page!

  3. This is the funniest thing I ever read Greg! My stamping friends will get a good laugh!!

  4. Inagh Ni Carra says:

    Thank you for brightening a very dull and damp Monday Lol
    Stampers Rule OK

  5. Very funny Greg! I can’t wait to read your future posts. I love Gina K she is so talented together we can all save the newspapers…..

    • Greg Mischio says:

      Thanks Paige! We all love Gina K, and now that’s she’s leading a resurgence of the newspaper industry, all of America will adore her!

  6. Yeah! Bah humbug with depressing news. (Lindsay who? – ha!) YAY for stampers! Great idea.
    Maybe you can find a club who will rewrite the news with happy endings!

  7. your great grand pappy was right! funny write up! Thanks Gina and thank you Greg!..

  8. Dawn Skene says:

    Great article! Gave me a chuckle on this Monday afternoon.

  9. You inspired me – I will create and send out Halloween cards to friends & family that I know subscribe to newspapers.

  10. Barbara Morgan says:

    Hey, my stamping spot looks just like that one! Did I work on your newspaper? What a great idea, SAVE the papers!….. Very funny!

  11. Sylvia Rivera says:

    I’m still smiling after reading this very funny and sweet article. I am now a fan of your page and look forward to reading your posts. Any friend of Gina’s is a friend of mine too. Love that gal!

    • Greg Mischio says:

      Thanks Sylvia. Welcome aboard. Gina is a very special lady. That might be the first serious thing I’ve said all day!

  12. totally true and funny!

  13. This is a great story Greg. I giggled my self silly and thought of the headlines I could recreate with a little glitter and embossing powders. I am a new follower and love this story. The power of Creativity at it’s best… Wonder what else we (stampers/crafters) can save?
    Sandra V.~ http://OhMyScraps2U.blogspot.com

  14. I knew Gina K. would save the Day! She is the ultimate crafter and if anyone can do it, she can. Thanks for the chance to win gift certificates to her store. If I win, I promise to use the gift certificate to buy the best crafty stuff to save the newspapers! I liked your facebook page and am looking forward to more funny stories.

  15. You are funny Sir! I am so sending this to my dad! Im following you on FB now as a new fan! Oh and by the way great pick with Gina K. She is a fabulous crafter! Ive been following StampTV for a couple years now, and even through the hiccups and slight set backs she has always been honest, grateful, and uplifting. I would support her through anything! If I did have to read some bad news I would love to see some ranger embossing powder to spruce it up a bit! LOL I giggled so hard at this article!!

  16. Greg,
    I love it. You’ve won me over just like that ~ presto chango! What a great concept!

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