When I heard about the health care a friend’s elderly mother recently received, I was appalled. Then, true to my epiphanal roots, I was inspired. I decided to model my blog after the US Health Care System: I would make serious cash without having to produce solid results.
Everyone seems to have a nightmare story to tell about our health care system. So here’s mine.
Sweet elderly woman (my friend’s mom) falls, shatters elbow. Major surgery follows. Hospital discharges her 24 hours later, because that’s more than enough time for a woman in her seventies to recover from anesthesia and a shattered elbow. At 9:00 pm, she is sent home, catheter in tow.
Once home, sweet elderly woman naturally falls again. Ambulance is called. EMTs help get her into bed. Her bed, not a hospital bed. Remember, she’s already used up her allotted 24 hours.
The next day, sweet elderly woman is in extreme pain. Seems that last night’s fall has resulted in a fractured pelvis and arm (add that to the recently shattered elbow). Ambulance is called again. Sweet and horribly broken elderly woman is returned to hospital.
After hours in the emergency room and multiple x-rays, the hospital refuses to readmit her (that damned allotment again). Instead, they dispatch sweet elderly woman to a nursing home to rehab injuries they played a major role in her acquiring.
So what’s my point? Is this reading like an Op Ed piece, where I sensationalize one story as best I can, do my part to stir up the populace about the failures of our health care system, and then offer no real solutions in return?
You know I’m not built like that. I’m all about the solutions. The epiphanies. The bold, the breakthrough.
Here’s my solution. And as usual, the beneficiary is me.
Reinventing Alter the Course
For over 30 years, you’ve been enjoying my blog articles free of charge. I’ve given solutions to transform the world into a more beautiful and prosperous place. But now all that is going to change.
Frankly, I’m impressed by the people who run our health care system. They’ve managed to produce crappier results every year, and demand more money in return.
I’m going to do the same. Starting with my next blog post, you will be charged $25 to read a post. And you can expect a 10 percent increase on that every year. For that additional amount of money, I also guarantee a significant decrease in quality. There will be far fewer jokes, gag lines, and all around satire.
Finally, the posts will become significantly shorter. Before you could have expected at least 500 words when you visited. I will now trim the word count to 250, and maybe not include any photos. I think at some point, I might get it down to 100 words and no headline.
I hope you understand that all these changes are being made for my benefit, not yours. And also realize that you have nowhere else to go, so be prepared to pay. Big time.
Oh, and one last thing: If you’re a sweet elderly lady, expect to pay twice as much as everyone else.
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