Have Your Friends Raise Your Kids

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My kids are nice to me and the missus — most of the time. But they’re never as charming and pleasant to us as they are to our friends. This phenomenon was in desperate need of epiphanizing, and I was just the guy to do it. [Read more…]

Two-Minute Warning for Moms

Two Minute Warning for Moms

The Precambrian era lasted nearly 4,000 million years long, but that’s nothing compared to the amount of time it takes for my wife to say goodbye to people. I believe this is a shared maternal trait, which is why I’ve created the Two-Minute Warnings for Mom. [Read more…]

Introducing the Fetus Phone

Introducing the baby iNvitro phone

Why are older generations so distraught over the younger generation’s fixation with smart phones? I say let’s take it to the next level, which is why I’ve subcontracted with Apple to roll out my latest epiphany: the Fetus Phone. (Another guest illustration from Monica Lalanda!) [Read more…]

Conduct Tours of Your Children’s Filthy Rooms

Tour My Kids Filthy Bedroom

My family must be high on the target list for Al Qaeda, because every time I walk past the kids’ rooms, it looks like a car bomb went off. Instead of nagging them to clean, however, I’m pursuing a bold new strategy. I’m giving tours of their ridiculously messy rooms. [Read more…]

Real Life Clash of Clans

ClashofClans

Perhaps you’ve seen the hot video game sweeping the nation, Clash of Clans. With my latest epiphany, we’ve expanded the killing beyond the smartphone screen and into the everyday world. Now your family can kill other families – in real life! [Read more…]

Behave Wrong So Your Kids Will Grow Up Right

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If a teenager’s natural instinct is to rebel against their parents, then doesn’t it make sense for Mom and Dad to eschew hard work and lucrative careers?  In other words, if you want your kids to grow up right, your only hope is to behave wrong. [Read more…]

Daddy App to Reunite Fathers and Daughters

Daddy App To Reunite Fathers and DaughtersThe quandary:  How do I manage to extricate my daughter from her eyelock on her iphone, and get her to actually make eye contact with me, her dear father?  The solution:  I don’t decry technology.   Instead I produce an epiphany to outsmart the smart phone. [Read more…]