Unless you’re holed up Unabomber-style, you’ve likely encountered the ALS Ice Bucket challenge. It’s produced amazing results, but we’ll get to the cure faster if someone takes my ALS Billionaire Challenge.
It’s nice to see charity go viral, especially when it results in $41 million in donations.
Don’t get me wrong, $41 million is a tremendous improvement over the $2 million they raised last year. But if it’s cash we need to truly rid the world of ALS, then I think we should take this one step further with my ALS Billionaire challenge.
What’s the challenge? All you have to do is become a billionaire, and then donate some of your cash to ALS. It would be sooooo easy for you to double, nay triple the amount raised to fight this disease.
Would that leave you short of cash? I don’t thinks so. Do you know how many millions are in a billion? A thousand! Did you hear that? A thousand! So it would be extremely easy for you to donate $100 million. That would leave you with 900 sets of one million dollar bills. Pretty nifty.
Some might think it’s easier to dump a bucket of ice water over your head then to become a billionaire, but that’s ridiculous.
According to Forbes Magazine, there were 1,645 billionaires in 2014, with 268 joining the ranks. Millionaire next door? Heck, there are billionaires next door. This is easy!
Naturally, there will be those who will whine about how becoming a billionaire takes a lot of time and intellect, and may require you to give up a little Netflix viewing. But look at the schleps who have already made it as a billionaire. Bill Gates? He’s a nerd, people. A NERD.
Besides, charity isn’t all about you. It’s about helping other people. So yes, you will be expected to give up some of your weekend as you launch a wildly successful new business enterprise, or make a spectacular discovery in genetics, or exploit financial markets to make money off the suckers of the world.
To get the ball rolling, I posed the challenge to my neighbor Milt.
Milt is a Self-Indulgent Pig
The first thing I did was issue Milt the ALS Billionaire challenge over Facebook. Nothing gets people moving like a social media call-to-action.
“Milt, I challenge you to take the ALS Billionaire challenge!” I challenged in my Facebook. (Note: I, personally, could not do the ALS Billionaire challenge because I’m very busy with my sock drawer re-org.)
As you would expect of Milt, he was sitting out on his back patio on a Saturday afternoon when I visited him.
“So?” I said to him. “Are you going to take the ALS Billionaire challenge or what?”
“I’m eating!” Milt screamed at me. Indeed he was. There was a bowl of chips on his lap.
“So you’re telling me you’re not going to take the challenge?”
“I can’t. I’m busy. I’m watering the neighbors plants. They’re on vacation,” he shot back.
You and I both know what bulls–t that was, so I promptly dumped the chips over Milt’s head (in a manner somewhat reminiscent to ye olde ice bucket challenge.)
Folks, I tried. I guess the buck stops with Milt, the self-indulgent pig. We’ll have to stick to the old $41 million method. But if you’ve got some spare time and you want to do the billionaire thing anyway, be my guest.
For the record, here’s my response to the ice bucket challenge. And if you want to donate to the ALS Association and combat this horrible disease, here’s a link to their site (PS – you don’t have to be a billionaire to do it!):