Let’s take a walk down memory lane and review the fan-favorites from 2014. I appreciate your readership, although it makes me think that you have a LOT of time on your hands if you’re spending hours upon hours reading epiphanies. Anywho, here’s a gander at last year’s top 10. (Click on the post titles to link to the full epiphany.)
1. You Can Make Greg Mischio Even More Famous in 2014!
We started out the new year with a bang, as millions banded together in an all-out-effort to make me famous. Read through the brilliant rationale behind why making me famous benefits you in the long run.
2. How Shopping at Costco Can Bring About World Peace
At the behest of friends and neighbors, we joined Costco in 2014. A subsequent trip to the megastore led me to realize that Costco could not only save me a few bucks, it could also help nation-states live in peace and harmony.
Why are older generations so distraught over the younger generation’s fixation with smart phones? I say let’s take it to the next level, which is why I subcontracted with Apple to roll out the Fetus Phone. (Featuring a guest illustration from Monica Lalanda!)
4. Conduct Tours of Your Children’s Filthy Rooms
My family must be high on the target list for Al Qaeda, because every time I walk past the kids’ rooms, it looks like a car bomb went off. Instead of nagging them to clean, however, I’m pursued a bold new strategy. I gave tours of their ridiculously messy rooms.
5. The Garment the Opposite Sex Can’t Figure Out
The epic battle between the sexes has raged since the day Eve borrowed Adam’s rib and didn’t put it back. To help us men conquer the women-people, I fought fire with fire by inventing the garment the opposite sex can’t figure out.
I’ve done my time in the corporate world, and it turned my stomach. The infighting, politics, groveling, and backstabbing — it all starts at the top. That’s why this epiphany replaced the CEOs of major corps with first-grade teachers. (This epiphany included a special guest illustration from Phil Wong.)
7. Cash in by Creating Your Own Literary Genre
A dearth of genres has exploded in the literary world. I wrote this not only because it allows me to use the word “dearth,” but because it prompted a stunning new epiphany: You can create your own book genre and make big bucks.
8. One Word Can Keep Things Cool With Your Wife
I have put my foot in mouth so many times that there is a size 9 footprint embossed on my tongue. To overcome my poorly-timed and ill-advised words, I took a page out of the family dog’s book and restricted the verbal output to only one word.
9. Passive-Aggressive Plants Must Be Stopped!
It was time to call the plant world on the carpet. Those passive-aggressive rooted things were messing with my head, not to mention my lawn. The reverse-psychology of this amazing epiphany put them in their place.
10. My Daughter’s Superpowers
My fifteen-year old daughter has superpowers. No, she can’t leap over a building in a single bound, and she doesn’t sport a flashy Iron Girl suit. But her ability to taste food or judge music in a heartbeat is an amazing super-power. Prepare to be awed.
There you have it – the top 10 epiphanies of 2014. I’d like thank all those who read the posts over the past year and helped me publish. I’m sorry, but there’s not enough room on the Internet to list the legions of people who help make alterthecourse.com possible.
I would like to deliver a special thanks to the various drug dealers who have supplied me with various mind-altering substances over the past year. Without your continuous supply, these epiphanies would never have materialized.
See you in 2015!