Use Your Writing to Climb the Corporate Ladder

Ascending the ladder

Publishing a book is not the only way you can make money from your writing. You can also use it to scare the bejabbers out of your co-workers and climb the corporate ladder.

I used to work for a rather humungous corporation. Hunkered down in my cubicle, I played the part of a worker-bee. I never sought a promotion, knowing that the only way to advance would to be through political maneuvering and backstabbing.

I’m quite adept at those tactics at home, but in the workplace, others were much more gifted. I watched legions of weasely types slit the throats of co-workers on their rise to the top.

Not only does that approach turn my stomach, I also happen to stink at it. I tend to sweat profusely when I lie and / or brown-nose. I left the job, knowing that I would forever be trapped in cubicle land, with nowhere to go but nowhere.

Then I scared the crap out of my friend.

We were at a party. My friend was in the middle of telling an embarrassing story about herself, when suddenly, her eyes grew wide with fright. “Please don’t write about that in your blog. PLEASE!” she wept.

The fear in her eyes made me realize something. My blog, followed by millions worldwide, had provided me with a source of unexpected power — one that I could turn into serious cash.  Instead of using backstabbing and political maneuvering to climb the corporate, my writing could take me to the top. Boo-yah!

From Mailroom to CEO with the Power of the Pen

closeup of  businessman with clenched fists

I re-applied at my old corp, and was hired to work in the mailroom. The supervisor greeted me with a laundry list of tasks.  I eyeballed them, then handed the list back to him.

“I notice you usually arrive half an hour late,” I said to him. “And that you take hour and a half lunches.”

He shook his head. “You know what? I think you’re going to set the record for fastest termination.”

“That will make a great story for my blog,” I smiled back.

The supervisor’s face grew ashen. “You’re going to write about me?”

“Especially your hour and a half lunches.”

He gulped. “Er, well, I can see that you deserve a position worthy of your formidable talents. Let me see what I can do.”

Within two days, I was promoted. After two days at each new gig, I pulled out the old writing line. Up, up and away.

Soon I was the Vice-President of Development of This and That (the actual title I can’t remember.) The only rank I could rise to next: CEO.

I visited our CEO on the golf course, of all places. “I hear you’re quite a writer,” he said.

I nodded. “I am. In fact, I was thinking of writing a little piece about how much time you spend out here on the beautiful golf course.”

He squinted at me. “You bastard. Name your price.”

That was last week. This week I am typing from my beautiful beachfront home in Baja, California. I’m enjoying my fabulous pension and an early retirement. The CEO even threw in a Mercedes as a retirement gift.

At the moment, my home and the surroundings are up to snuff. However, there may come a day when we’ll opt for an even bigger home. That’s when I’ll make another climb up the corporate ladder — one blog post at a time.

 

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Comments

  1. I am laughing out loud, Greg! Wonderful, entertaining, hilarious. Thank you. 😀

  2. Such a good idea – I wish I’d thought of it first!

  3. Wow. Just think if you had threatened to include them in a novel! You’d be president by now.

  4. If only you had written this before I left my job.

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