For the few newbies to the Alter the Course scene, I launched a brilliant epiphany in 2013, providing you with an easy resolution for the new year. The premise was simple: Make me famous.
In my post, I explained the ironclad logic behind the resolution. Instead of millions of people trying to push forward their writing, their business, their art, their music – it would be much simpler for everyone to nominate one person for fame and fortune, and then combine our efforts to launch him (me) to that status.
The reason why I asked you to abandon your own hopes and dreams and instead make me famous is a matter of statistics. Even if you have the talent to make it big, there are simply too many voices out there, too much competition for everyone to be successful.
It made much more sense for us to pool our resources and make a chosen one famous.
How would you benefit? You would get “fame by association.” You could tell your friends and family that “you knew me when.” You could make up stories about how we were friends, or photoshop me into some photos with you.
This stuff impresses people, believe me, and you’d enjoy a guaranteed moderate amount of “fame by association” vs. the once-in-a-lifetime fame that few people ever achieve.
Over the course of the year, many joined the cause, and I’ve started to become more famous. This year, however, I’ve contrived the plan that will allow me (us) to make a quantum leap forward: I’m not going to do a damn thing.
A Star is Born…and Bored
From the supermarket checkout line, I’ve been observing the careers of people like the Kardashians and Paris Hilton. These ladies command lots of attention, magazine headlines, and vast fortunes. But for the life of me, I haven’t been able to figure out what they do.
A quick scan of the Internet turned up one irrefutable answer: They don’t do anything. And it seems the more they don’t do anything, the more famous they become.
Thus, to help you in your efforts to make me famous in 2014, I personally resolve to do nothing. Enough of writing this stupid blog, reaching out to new audiences, and writing the Great American Novel. That doesn’t seem to be helping anyone.
The goal here is to make cash, enough so that I can sit on my a—in Florida and do even less. That way, I’ll become even more famous. It’s a cyclical thing, you dig?
I guarantee, with me doing less, and you working even harder, we can’t lose. Soon I’ll be twice as famous, and you’ll have even more vengeful stories to tell about me as you author your own unauthorized biography: “Greg Mischio – The Sonsabitch Who Did NOTHING.”
Ok, you’ve got your resolution in hand for 2014. Get crackin’. Me – I’m going to go take a nap.