A Healthcare Epiphany to Alter the Course of Mental Health Treatment


I’m happy to introduce my first guest-blogger to Alter the Course.  I met Christoph Paul through ye olde Twittersphere, and I’m reading his exceptional book “The Passion of the Christoph.”  Guffaw-inducing, raunchy, and never shy about touching a nerve, I think Christoph is quite a talent.  Check out his bio for more on “the Christoph.”  Enjoy his epiphany, destined to alter the course.

I hear a lot of people talking passionately about the issue of Health Care. When Obamacare was made into law no one was really happy about it: it did too much or did too little. I don’t know, I’m not a politician but for a time I wanted to be a shrink. Seriously, before I decided to be a writer and musician I actually applied to Argosy University because there was no GRE test and I would probably get in due to its low standards.  I didn’t go; the muse called me to write prose and play music while working strange jobs like DC Porn Store Manager and The Dept. of Labor worker where I met people with great psychological disabilities.

As someone who has even dealt with his own struggles of mental health (read The non-fiction sections of “The Passion of The Christoph”) and seen others who struggle specifically with depression, I don’t think there is enough awareness about mental health and also I think health care providers are not providing enough fresh ideas when dealing with depression.

Medication does not always work and there is a lack of competition with the pharmaceutical industry on how to deal with what layman call ‘the blues’. Thinking of a solution for this issue is where I had my ‘epiphany’ that can alter the course of mental health and health care as we know it:  We should allow legal prescriptions for prostitution to help cure depression.

Let’s be honest. Women and men get ‘the blues’ when they haven’t had sex, especially good sex, for a while. Depression is a vicious cycle. When you are depressed you don’t do your hair, or worry about your style (scientifically, people suffering from depression are more likely to wear sweat pants, Crocs, and even Snuggies). You eat ice cream and copious amounts of Chicken Pad Thai, becoming less attractive to the opposite sex.

With guaranteed sex from professionals, the depressed person could get back on track and feel some ‘natural pleasure’ that would be just as effective as Prozac. A great ‘screw’ can be a natural boost. I would even argue it could be cheaper and healthier than most pharmaceutical prescriptions as really good orgasms lead to higher levels of serotonin – a chemical that affects how we feel.

Now, after the person gets his first ‘dose’ of ‘doing it,’ they must attempt to do positive cognitive behaviors as a condition to keep their prescription filled.  This includes exercise, eat healthy, and wear a matching outfit. They will meet with the psychiatrist to see how the treatment is going and if they are following the doctor’s suggestions of positive cognitive actions, ‘the prostitute prescription’ can be renewed. It should be a 3 to 6 month process as the other cognitive behaviors should lead to healthy rises of serotonin levels and could be a by-product leading to sex from non-prostitutes.

Not only would this be a great and effective treatment in dealing with depression it would also create healthy competition between healthcare providers and the pharmaceutical industry, causing them to lower rates and pill prices. I don’t know much about “Obamacare,” but if they can tax tanning salons to pay for it they can surely tax prostitutes.  (On a side note, prostitutes who use tanning salons on a weekly basis would really create excellent tax revenue and economic stimulus.)

This is not just wishful thinking.  Medical studies have proven that great sex can lead to happiness and feelings of purpose in life. Evolutionary psychologists think our whole purpose on earth is to get laid and reproduce. If we’re not doing the biological action that eons of evolution have programed us to do, we can feel existential and biological angst.

Why not let this ancient action be handled by true artists of sexual healing?

This ‘medical procedure’ can be used just as efficiently on women as well as men. The Showtime series “Gigolos” and HBO’s “Hung” have shown there is a great market and need for professional male prostitutes. These male ‘sex workers’ also tend to buy expensive clothing and man-jewelry and that leads to economic stimulus along with serotonin and clitoral stimulus—it’s a win-win.

Clearly, this is a great idea and I hope this gets passed around.  Eventually we can lobby our congressmen to come up with a bill that at least can be passed at the state level and, if it works well, we can adopt ‘prostitute prescriptions’ nationally. It will lower the prices of big pharmaceutical companies, help those suffering from depression, and provide economic stimulus.

I believe this is the next great step in the treatment of mental health and if Freud was around today he would happily write a ‘prostitute prescription.’

Please share this with your local congressmen.

A concerned citizen,
Christoph Paul.

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