Sit Your Lazy Butt Down and Save the Earth


One simple request from my wife, one global-changing epiphany from me. Discover how laziness is the only way to solve our energy woes and stave off global warming. [Read more…]

Thwart Ebola with Designer Hazmat Suits

Congrats, Ebola. You’ve effectively scared the s— out of everyone. In defense of the world, I decided to thwart Ebola’s viral hinder, but not by combating its root cause. I got reactive instead of proactive and launched my new designer Hazmat suits. [Read more…]

Passive-Aggressive Plants Must Be Stopped!

Fighting back against passive aggressive plants

It’s time to call the plant world on the carpet. These passive-aggressive rooted things are messing with my head, not to mention my lawn. The reverse-psychology of my amazing new epiphany put them in their place. [Read more…]

How Do You Throw Out an Old Garbage Can?

how do you throw out an old garbage can

My father posed this vexing question to me the other day: How do you throw out an old garbage can? Immediately I put my epiphanal powers to work, and derived a solution that not only takes care of over-the-hill garbage cans, but all highway trash as we know it. [Read more…]

Make Mother Nature an Enemy of the State

Mother_NatureWhy does everyone kowtow to Mother Nature?  Personally, I’m sick of that lady kicking our backsides. My latest epiphany involves uniting the nations of the world to join forces and kick that old bat right in the teeth. [Read more…]

How to Make the Most of Abysmal Wisconsin Weather

Institute Floating Holidays for Abysmal Wisconsin Weather
It’s no picnic living in Wisconsin.  Dangerous wind chills during the winter, predatory mosquitoes and gawd-awful humidity during the summer – it seems like a dress rehearsal for eternal damnation.  My latest epiphany is designed to make the most of the days it actually is nice in this wretched state.  [Read more…]