My Daughter’s Superpowers


My fifteen-year old daughter has superpowers. No, she can’t leap over a building in a single bound, and she doesn’t sport a flashy Iron Girl suit. But her ability to taste food or judge music in a heartbeat is an amazing super-power. Prepare to be awed. [Read more…]

Have Your Friends Raise Your Kids


My kids are nice to me and the missus — most of the time. But they’re never as charming and pleasant to us as they are to our friends. This phenomenon was in desperate need of epiphanizing, and I was just the guy to do it. [Read more…]

Behold the Teenager Planning Committee

teenage planning commission

A wise man once said, “Teenagers don’t plan for anything. Ever.” I echo the sentiment, which is why I created the Teenager Planning Committee, one I felt certain would restore order to the chaotic parenting community. [Read more…]

Two-Minute Warning for Moms

Two Minute Warning for Moms

The Precambrian era lasted nearly 4,000 million years long, but that’s nothing compared to the amount of time it takes for my wife to say goodbye to people. I believe this is a shared maternal trait, which is why I’ve created the Two-Minute Warnings for Mom. [Read more…]

Conduct Tours of Your Children’s Filthy Rooms

Tour My Kids Filthy Bedroom

My family must be high on the target list for Al Qaeda, because every time I walk past the kids’ rooms, it looks like a car bomb went off. Instead of nagging them to clean, however, I’m pursuing a bold new strategy. I’m giving tours of their ridiculously messy rooms. [Read more…]

Real Life Clash of Clans


Perhaps you’ve seen the hot video game sweeping the nation, Clash of Clans. With my latest epiphany, we’ve expanded the killing beyond the smartphone screen and into the everyday world. Now your family can kill other families – in real life! [Read more…]

Instilling Fear of Meteor Showers in Worrywart Moms

Instilling Fear of Meteors in Worrywart Moms Monica LaLanda

Why do we use the term “worrywart”? Wouldn’t it be more accurate to refer to chronic worriers as “mom”? Mommies tend to worry excessively about anything and everything, at least they did until my latest epiphany. (This week’s post features another guest illustration from Monica LaLanda!) [Read more…]

Moms Sabotage Math and Science in the Name of Santa


Much ado has been made about the decline of math and science test scores in US schools.  The root problem?  It’s not teachers or school boards.  The true saboteurs of our educational systems:  Mothers — and their motivation will shock you to your Christmas core. [Read more…]