Take a 50-Week Vacation

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My family recently enjoyed a fantastic one-week vacation. Upon returning, our lives plunged into 50 weeks of prolonged hell. Why do we subject ourselves to the post-vacation blues? Instead, try my epiphany, which turns the tables on the vacation paradigm. [Read more…]

Take the ALS Billionaire Challenge

Isolated bucket of US banknotesUnless you’re holed up Unabomber-style, you’ve likely encountered the ALS Ice Bucket challenge. It’s produced amazing results, but we’ll get to the cure faster if someone takes my ALS Billionaire Challenge. [Read more…]

Hallelujah – How to Eliminate Road Construction

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I wrote this epiphany from my car. I had been sitting in a traffic jam for two and a half weeks, making infinitesimal progress every 1.5 days. The solution? Creating the world’s first construction-free highway. [Read more…]

I’m An Incremental Criminal

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It’s okay to break the law – as long as you don’t go to far. You won’t get a speeding ticket for doing 71 mph in a 65 zone, and with my latest epiphany, you don’t go to jail for leading a life of incremental crime. [Read more…]

Barstool-Ski Lift Hybrid Reduces Drunk Driving

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Drunken driving has inflicted untold amounts of pain, misery and suffering, yet we seem at a loss for how to curb its deadly consequences. That’s because we’re not putting capitalism to work, folks. So let’s drink to the end of drunk driving with my new Barstool-Ski Lift Hybrid. [Read more…]

Sleeping Assistants Boost Productivity

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Are you too busy? Do you find there are never enough hours in the day to get everything done? Instead of trying to cram more into your waking hours, make better use of your sleep-time with my latest “Sleeping Assistant” epiphany.” [Read more…]

The Study of All Those Irritating Studies

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How I loathe those accursed research studies that state the completely obvious. The news media reports on them like they’re amazing new revelations, instead of statistically-backed validations of common sense. On the bright side, they’ve given rise to my latest epiphany: The Study of All Those Irritating Studies. [Read more…]

Achieve World Peace with Global Death Day

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Why are we so darned insistent on solving conflict through wars and by beating people with sticks? An easier solution is my latest epiphany: Give everyone the chance to kill one person every year – and be killed in return! Give a warm welcome to Global Death Day! [Read more…]

Finding the One Guy Who Owns Everything

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Every company on the earth is owned by some larger company, which in turn, is owned by an even larger company. But who owns all of that? One guy, I say. One guy owns everything, and I was determined to find him. [Read more…]

How Shopping at Costco Can Bring About World Peace

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At the behest of friends and neighbors, we recently joined Costco.  A subsequent trip to the megastore led me to realize that Costco can not only save me a few bucks, it can also help nation-states live in peace and harmony. [Read more…]

You Can Make Greg Mischio Even More Famous in 2014!

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My gratitude to the millions who resolved in 2013 to make me famous.  You’ve done well, but this year you can do even better, thanks to my latest epiphany. [Read more…]

Moms Sabotage Math and Science in the Name of Santa

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Much ado has been made about the decline of math and science test scores in US schools.  The root problem?  It’s not teachers or school boards.  The true saboteurs of our educational systems:  Mothers — and their motivation will shock you to your Christmas core. [Read more…]

The Stuff You Don’t Need Store

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What began as an innocent little exercise in cleaning out the closets escalated into an epiphany destined to change life as we know it. Discover my Stuff You Don’t Need Store, and remember it as you begin your Christmas shopping. [Read more…]

“Koondayga” Can Save Your Life at the Grocery Store

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A traumatic event will occur at grocery stores as American-type people prep for Thursday’s Thanksgiving dinner gorge-fest.   The only cure to this terrifying phenomenon is my latest epiphany, the word “Koondayga.” [Read more…]

Move the Coffee Table Into The Bathroom

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Many of my epiphanies have reshaped countries, generated vast fortunes, and brought grown men to their knees.  Others, like my brilliant idea to move the coffee table into the bathroom, simply make going potty a much more pleasant experience. [Read more…]